Fury's Lost His Mind: Sex Dolls and April Fools in the Heavyweight Division

By Lewis Barnett 4 July, 2025 5 mins read 37 Views

Well, this is awkward.

I've been covering boxing for twelve years now, and I thought I'd seen everything. Hell, I watched Mike Tyson bite ears off, saw grown men cry over belts, witnessed more fake retirements than a bad soap opera. But Tyson Fury slapping Oleksandr Usyk's face on a blow-up doll? That's... new territory.

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The Sex Shop Chronicles

So here's what happened. The Gypsy King - who announced his fifth retirement about three months ago (yeah, fifth, we're keeping count) - apparently decided Thursday was the perfect day to hint at a trilogy fight with Usyk. Then he went shopping. At a sex shop. With his manager Spencer Brown.

I'm not making this up. I wish I was.

The video he posted shows him holding this inflatable doll with Usyk's face photoshopped onto it, grinning like he just solved world hunger. "I've got myself a little Usyk," he says. "I'm getting ready for when we fight in April 26. In the meantime, he's gonna get f****d."

My editor texted me: "Please tell me this is satire." Sorry, boss. This is 2025 heavyweight boxing.

Another Retirement Bites the Dust

Look, Fury's retirement announcements have become like my New Year's resolutions - they sound serious at the time, but nobody really believes them. This latest comeback shouldn't surprise anyone who's been paying attention.

Back in January, right after his second loss to Usyk, he was done. Finished. Content with his achievements. The whole nine yards. I actually believed him for about... two weeks? Then he started dropping hints about wanting revenge "in England" and needing "a fair shout."

Poor guy genuinely thinks he got robbed twice in Riyadh. (He didn't, but that's another story.)

What's Really Going On Here?

Here's the thing that gets me - and I've been wrong about Fury before, so take this with a grain of salt - this whole sex doll stunt feels desperate. Like, genuinely desperate.

The man's 36. He's made his money (we're talking serious money, the kind that buys small countries). He's got nothing left to prove except to himself. But those two losses to Usyk? They're eating at him like a ghost at a family reunion.

His quote about Joshua tells you everything: "It would break all records and sell out 100,000 at Wembley in an hour." That's not a fighter talking - that's a businessman who knows his worth.

The Usyk Problem

Meanwhile, Usyk's probably at home in Ukraine, watching this circus unfold, thinking "What the hell is wrong with this guy?" The Ukrainian's got bigger things to worry about than inflatable dolls - like his July 19 fight with Daniel Dubois at Wembley.

And honestly? That's the fight that matters right now. Not whatever fever dream Fury's cooking up for April 2026 (if that date's even real, which... come on).

Usyk's been nothing but professional through all this. Two clean wins, no controversy, no drama. Just pure boxing skill that made Fury look ordinary twice.

Where This All Ends

I'll make a prediction here, and you can hold me to it: Fury fights again. Maybe not Usyk (that ship might have sailed), but he'll be back. The man can't help himself.

Whether it's Joshua for the payday, Dubois for the easy work, or some other poor soul who wanders into his crosshairs - he'll find a reason. The sex doll thing? That's just Tuesday for Tyson Fury in 2025.

God help us all.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can I start boxing at any age?

You can start boxing at any time as long as your doctor has cleared you and you are in good physical health. Boxing has a wide range of adaptability and can be customized for individuals at all fitness levels and ages.

Can boxing improve mental well-being?

Boxing improves mental health in many ways. It reduces stress, boosts mood, increases self-esteem, promotes discipline, and provides a sense accomplishment. The concentration required to train can also be used as a form meditation. It helps clear the brain and improves concentration.

What are basic boxing strikes?

The basic boxing punches are the jab and cross. A quick, straight strike is delivered with the front hand.

How important are recovery sessions in boxing?

Recovery is essential in boxing because it allows the body to grow and heal. To ensure a speedy recovery, it is important to get enough rest, stretch, sleep well, drink plenty of water, eat nutritively, and follow a balanced diet. Ignoring your recovery can lead you to overtraining injuries and decreased performance.

What is breathing important in boxing?

In boxing, breathing correctly is crucial. It helps you maintain your stamina and energy levels, as well as keep you relaxed while training or during a match. You should exhale sharply with each punch and breathe rhythmically, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth to effectively manage your oxygen intake and output.

Statistics

Nearly 80% of boxing training injuries are related to incorrect technique, especially within the first three months of taking up the sport.
About 25% of people who take up boxing transition to competitive amateur boxing within their first two years of training.
Studies show that proper hand wrapping can reduce the chance of hand and wrist injuries by as much as 40%.
Research indicates that nearly 70% of punches thrown by boxers during a match are jabs.
Studies suggest that about 30% of beginner boxers tend to neglect the importance of footwork in their initial training phase.
Approximately 80% of boxing injuries occur during training, not in actual competition.
Despite the stereotype that boxing is a young person's sport, approximately 20% of all beginners are over the age of 40.
Surveys reveal that close to 40% of new boxers join the sport for self-defense purposes rather than for competition or fitness.
On average, beginner boxers improve their punching power by 10%-20% after six months of consistent training.
On average, beginners who undergo proper boxing training can expect to burn anywhere from 300 to 500 calories per hour.

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How To

How to Breathe Properly While Boxing

The correct breathing technique can reduce fatigue and increase performance. When throwing punches, breathe in through the nose to fill up your lung capacity and out through your lips. This exhalation should be short and explosive, which will naturally tense your core and protect your body upon impact. It is possible to develop rhythmic, controlled breathing by practicing it while shadowboxing.