Watching Yourself Die: What It's Really Like When Your Body Gives Up

By Lewis Barnett 9 June, 2025 6 mins read 43 Views

God, where do I even start with this one.

I've covered plenty of tough stories over the years, but sitting down to write about David "Syd" Lawrence and his battle with Motor Neurone Disease? That hit different. Maybe it's because I'm getting older myself, or maybe it's because Lawrence doesn't sugarcoat a damn thing about what it's like to slowly lose everything that makes you... you.

The man knows he's dying. He knows it'll be soon. And somehow, he's still got more fight in him than most of us have on our best days.

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The Voice That Won't Stay Silent

Lawrence was diagnosed with MND last year, and if you don't know what that means, consider yourself lucky. It's basically your body systematically shutting down while your mind stays perfectly clear to watch it all happen. Fun stuff.

This guy used to be England's fast bowler - the last person to dismiss the legendary Viv Richards in Test cricket, for crying out loud. Now he's typing with his eyes because his voice is gone and his hands don't work anymore.

But here's the thing that gets me: he's written a book about it.

Not some sanitized "inspiration porn" either. Real talk about losing the ability to hold a TV remote. About needing machines to help him breathe. About watching his wife Gaynor struggle with watching the man she loves disappear piece by piece.

When Your Body Becomes a Prison

Lawrence describes his deterioration in ways that made me put the book down twice. I'm not ashamed to admit it.

"First, it was the removal of the ability to move myself from one place to another, then it was things like being able to wash and use the toilet," he writes. "The ability to hold a knife and fork and bring food and drink to my mouth then started to wobble until it became impossible."

Jesus.

He talks about initially thinking maybe he could take up wheelchair rugby. Maybe even aim for the Paralympics. That optimism lasted about as long as it took for the doctors to explain that MND doesn't just stop at your legs. It keeps going until nothing works anymore.

The man can't even hug his wife now. Can't tell her it's going to be okay - not that it would be true anyway.

Technology Keeping Humanity Alive

Here's something that blew my mind: Lawrence uses eye-tracking technology to communicate now. He looks at letters on a screen, the computer follows his eye movements, and then speaks in his own voice - recorded months ago when he could still talk clearly.

It's brilliant and heartbreaking at teh same time.

He can even send WhatsApp messages this way, which gives him back some independence. Small victories, right? Though I imagine getting a text from someone who's essentially texting from beyond the grave hits different.

The Question Nobody Wants to Answer

Lawrence asks the question that probably keeps him up at night: "How do you cope with what is effectively a death sentence?"

I don't have an answer for that. I don't think anyone does.

He mentions Rob Burrow, the rugby league star who went through the same thing. Watching someone who used to be this physical powerhouse become "a fraction of the size that he used to be. Unable to talk, move or express himself beyond a computer."

That's his future. He knows it. We know it. And somehow he's still here, still fighting, still telling his story.

Why This Matters (Beyond the Obvious)

Lawrence's book, "In Syd's Voice," comes out Thursday. Fifty pence from every copy goes to the MND Association and the Cricketers' Trust, which is nice, but that's not why you should read it.

You should read it because it's honest in a way that makes you uncomfortable. Because it strips away all the polite euphemisms we use when talking about terminal illness and shows you what it actually looks like.

Because maybe, just maybe, understanding what people like Lawrence go through might make us a little more human ourselves.

The guy used to own a nightclub, for God's sake. Used to be this larger-than-life character with a booming voice who could bowl fast enough to rattle international batsmen. Now he's fighting to swallow water.

Life's not fair. We all know that. But sometimes it's so spectacularly unfair that it takes your breath away.

Lawrence is hoping he has enough time left to enjoy this cricket season - the weather he loves, the sport that defined him. I hope he gets that and more. Though honestly? The fact that he's still here, still sharing his story, still refusing to go quietly?

That's already more than most of us could manage.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is a cricket captain's role?

The cricket captain has a critical strategic and leading role in the team. They are in charge of making important decisions such as the batting position, deciding where to place the field and choosing when to use specific players. A captain is the representative of the team, interacting with umpires as well as motivating and guiding players. A captain is the face of the team and makes adjustments to the strategy during the match to win.

How long does a standard game of cricket last?

The duration of the match can be quite variable. The game is played in three main formats. The longest format, Test cricket, can last as long as five days. One Day Internationals (ODIs) are usually completed in a day. Each team is faced with a certain number of overs. Twenty20 (T20), an even shorter format, typically concludes within three to five hours. Each side plays one innings of 20 runs.

What is the Duckworth-Lewis-Stern method in cricket?

The Duckworth-Lewis-Stern (DLS) method is a mathematical formula used to calculate the target score for the team batting second in limited-overs cricket matches that are interrupted by weather or other delays. It assigns specific runs to the overs and wickets that remain. The system's goal is to fairly adjust the batting side's target to reflect the reduced number of overs they have the opportunity to face due to interruptions.

What is the role an umpire plays in cricket?

In cricket, an umpire is responsible for enforcing rules, adjudicating all on-field issues, and making important decisions, such as determining whether a player is out, signaling no-balls and boundaries, or deciding when to start and stop play. On-field umpires work in tandem, with one standing behind the stumps at the bowler's end and the other at square leg or side-on to the pitch. In order to maintain fairness and consistency, they rely heavily on their experience and judgement as well on technology such as the Decision Review System (DRS).

What are the rules of cricket at its most basic?

Cricket is a team sport played by two 11-player teams. When a batsman is on, the goal is to score a run. If a fielder and bowler are involved, their main goal will be to remove him. Each team has a turn to bowl and bat. The batting team has two players who score runs through hitting the ball, running between wickets, and by running. The fielding and bowling teams try to prevent this, by limiting runs and dismissing batsmen. The team with most runs wins the match.

Statistics

Australia's Margaret Peden holds the earliest recorded instance of a double century in women's Test cricket, scoring 204 runs against England in 1935.
Lasith Malinga uniquely achieved four wickets in four consecutive balls, twice in international cricket, during an ODI in 2007 and a T20I in 2019.
The record for the highest individual score in a Test match is held by Brian Lara, who scored an unbeaten 400 runs against England in 2004.
Jos Buttler recorded the fastest one-day international century for England, taking just 46 balls against Pakistan in 2015.
As of January 2023, England holds the record for the highest team score in a One Day International (ODI) match, having scored 481-6 against Australia in 2018.

External Links

How To

How to choose the right cricket bat

The right cricket bat can make or break a player's performance. You should feel the weight and grip of the cricket bat in your hand. The bat's size should be appropriate for your height, allowing for proper stance and swing. You should look for English or Kashmir Willow bats for balance and strokeplay. To make an informed purchase, you should try different bats at a local sports store. Custom-made bats can be made to fit the playing style of seasoned players.

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