So there I was, standing on teh green, watching Chris Pratt tell his third elaborate story about filming Guardians while my playing partner Nick Jonas and I exchanged those "is this really happening?" glances. God. Four holes behind on a NINE-HOLE charity event. That's not just slow play—that's practically geological.
Let me back up.
The Day I Wanted to Throw My Putter at an A-List Celebrity
During the Genesis celebrity Ryder Cup event (which should've been fun and breezy), I got paired with Nick Jonas against Chris Pratt. Now, I've played with some slow golfers before—the guy at my home course who recalculates wind direction seventeen times before every shot comes to mind—but Pratt took slow play to an entirely different dimension.
Super nice guy. Genuinely charming. Stories for days.
But OH MY GOD would he just hit the ball already?!
What's Your Celebrity Golf Horror Story?
I mentioned this on the Vanity Index podcast, and my producer later texted me: "You realize you just called out Star-Lord for being slow?" Yeah, I know. But truth is truth. We were literally four holes behind pace. Tournament officials had to come over and basically beg him to speed things up.
The whole time, he had this entourage around him hanging on every word of these admittedly fantastic Hollywood stories. Meanwhile, Nick and I are standing there like... "Hit. The. Golf. Ball."
The $16 Billion Slowpoke
Look, I get it. The guy's films have grossed nearly $16 billion worldwide. He was People's second sexiest man alive in 2014. He's played everything from lovable goofballs to Marvel superheroes. But apparently all that star power doesn't translate to efficient golf.
And I'm not alone in my frustration. After sharing this story, fans flooded my comments with their own slow-play nightmares. One guy wrote, "Slow play is the worst. Can't ever get in the groove." Another passionately agreed: "I am soooo with you on that Paige! Slow play just kills your day on the course!"
The Awkward Truth Nobody Mentions About Celebrity Golf
Back in 2022, Pratt did that golf video with Bryson DeChambeau. I wonder if Bryson was internally screaming the entire time? My caddie friend who worked a pro-am with another (unnamed) actor said he almost quit mid-round because the pace was so excruciating.
Of course, some of my followers had... different perspectives. "I mean, I wouldn't be in a rush either," wrote one. Another suggested, "Someone tell her the guy just wanted to hang out with her longer."
Cute. But when you're a professional, you just want to play the game.
That Time Tournament Officials Had to Intervene...
I still remember the tournament director's face—that pained, diplomatic expression as he approached our group. "You need to speed it up," he said, somehow making it sound like a friendly suggestion rather than the desperate plea it actually was.
And Pratt, bless him, would nod enthusiastically, hit ONE shot at normal speed, then immediately launch into another 10-minute anecdote about working with Kurt Russell.
I caught Nick Jonas checking his watch three times during one of these stories. I think he had a flight to catch later.
Why Do We Tolerate This?
Here's what I don't understand—in what other sport do we accept people completely disregarding pace of play? Imagine LeBron taking 5 minutes between free throws to tell stories about Space Jam. The refs would lose their minds.
Yet in golf, especially celebrity golf, there's this weird acceptance of it. Like we're supposed to be grateful they're even there.
I've played with billionaires, athletes, musicians... most keep it moving. It's just those few who think the course is their personal TED Talk stage that drive me insane.
Anyway. If you're reading this, Chris (you're probably not), you're still awesome. Just... maybe take some lessons from Nick Jonas on pace of play. That man knows how to keep things moving.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is proper golf course etiquette and how do I follow it?
Respecting golf etiquette is as vital as understanding the rules of the game. Recognizing the pace of game play means being ready for your shot at your turn, and walking quickly in between shots. You should always show respect to the other players. Remain silent and calm when someone else is about to hit. Safety is a key factor - do not play a stroke until the group behind you is no longer within reach. You can take care of your course by repairing ball marks, raking bunkers and repairing divots. Additionally, it's polite to wear appropriate clothing according to the dresscode of the golf course you are on.
Do I need to take golf lessons from a pro?
While it's not mandatory to take lessons from a professional, doing so can vastly improve your game, especially as a beginner or intermediate player. A qualified coach can give you personal advice, correct fundamental flaws, teach you the mental aspect of the game, and tailor-make advice to suit your style. In some cases, self-teaching results in bad habits. Even seasoned players can benefit from a few tune-ups to make sure their technique remains sound. Lessons provide a good return on investment and can improve your scores.
How do I maintain and care my golf clubs?
Proper care of your golf club will prolong their life and ensure they perform the way you intended. Clean club heads and grooves after every round using a soft-bristled brush and soapy water to keep them free of dirt and grass, which can affect shot accuracy. Use a damp towel to wipe down the shafts. You can also check for grip wear. They may need to be changed every year depending on how often you use them. Store your clubs in a cool, dry place, as extreme temperatures and moisture can damage them. Woods and putters can be protected from scratches and dents by using headcovers.
What do I need to know about the maintenance of golf courses and their impact on game play?
Golf course care includes a number of different activities. From mowing the grass and watering it to aeration and topping off, there are many options. How a green is maintained can greatly affect the way it plays. For example, freshly aerated greens may be slower and less smooth, heavily watered fairways may play longer and softer, and tighter mowing patterns can lead to faster greens and fairways. Being aware of maintenance schedules can inform your strategy on the course. Always check local rules and notices before starting your round, as they might provide information on temporary course conditions due to ongoing maintenance activities.
How often should I play golf to improve my game?
The quality and consistency of your practice is more important than the quantity. Beginners can see noticeable improvement by practicing twice to three times per week. You should devote time to the long shot, short game and putting. A quality practice involves having a specific goal for every practice session. For example, you might want to work on your swing technique, shot precision, or distance control. Incorporate professional instruction when possible to ensure your practice is effective and not reinforcing poor techniques. Remember that hitting the ball as often as possible is not as important as making every shot count.
How do I know my golf handicap?
A golf handicap measures a player's potential abilities and allows them to compete fairly. To establish a handicap, you need to submit scores from a minimum number of rounds (the specific number may vary by country's golf association) to your golf club's handicap committee or a handicap service. These scores are adjusted for the difficulty of the course and the tee from which you played, using a specific calculation method that averages the best differential scores from the rounds submitted. Your golf club or the national golf association can provide precise guidelines on how handicaps are calculated.
What are the fundamental rules of golfing?
The R&A, along with the United States Golf Association(USGA), have developed a comprehensive set rules to govern the game of Golf. Golf is the game of playing a ball into the hole using a stroke, or a series of strokes according to the Rules. Some of the key principles include: playing the ball exactly as it lies on the ground, playing the course in the same condition as found, and completing the holes with as few strokes as possible. Penalties are incurred for rule breaches such as hitting the wrong ball, playing from the wrong place, and losing a ball. Golf etiquette, while not strictly part of the rules, is integral to the game, addressing considerations such as safety, consideration for others on the course, and taking care of the course.
Statistics
- Studies show that practicing putting for at least 15 minutes before a round can improve a player's putting accuracy by as much as 25%.
- Roughly 60% of golfers who maintain a handicap index see an improvement in their scores year over year.
- Beginner golfers who invest in at least five professional lessons reduce their handicap by an average of 30% faster than those who do not seek instruction.
- More than 75% of beginners who participate in structured practice report feeling more confident on the golf course.
- Players with a consistent pre-shot routine are 50% less likely to make a mistake due to external distractions.
- Junior golf programs have seen an increase in participation by approximately 20% over the past decade, indicating growing interest among younger players.
- Approximately 2.2 million people took up the game of golf in 2020, reflecting a significant increase in interest among beginners.
External Links
How To
Preventing and dealing with golf injuries
To prevent injuries, you should warm up your muscles properly and stretch them to prepare for the golf game. The right technique will help you avoid strain and injury. To avoid back problems, always lift clubs at the knees and not the waist. Regular exercise with a focus on flexibility, core strength, and balance improves your game while minimizing the risk of injuries. Listen to your body; pain should never be ignored. Rest and consult a professional before you return to play if you have sustained an injury.
Did you miss our previous article...
https://sportingexcitement.com/golf/cbss-amanda-balionis-takes-cheeky-swipe-at-rory-mcilroy-after-media-silence
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