Cole Palmer Loses It as Chelsea Squad Gets Dragged into Ridiculous Gorilla Debate

By Lewis Barnett 2 May, 2025 5 mins read 301 Views

Oh god, this might be the dumbest thing I've ever written about. But here we are in 2025, and somehow professional footballers are arguing about whether 100 men could take down a gorilla. I wish I was making this up.

The whole thing started back in 2020 on some random Reddit thread (where all great intellectual debates begin, obviously). But this week it's gone completely viral, with everyone from teenagers to apparently Premier League stars weighing in on this crucial matter of national importance.

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Airport Showdown: Palmer vs. Reality

As Chelsea's squad was boarding their flight to Sweden for Thursday's Europa Conference League match against Djurgarden, things got heated. And by heated, I mean Cole Palmer looked genuinely offended that people weren't taking his side.

The footage shows Tosin Adarabioyo turning to the camera guy and saying: "My question is 100 men versus a gorilla. This guy (Palmer) is stupid, go on." When teh cameraman sides with "gorilla obviously," Tosin triumphantly declares "Thank you!"

Palmer was not having it.

"Bro it's split though! I swear to you," he protested, looking increasingly frustrated. "100 men that are willing to fight..."

I've watched this clip four times now and I still can't believe these millionaire athletes are having this argument with the same intensity my friends and I debated stuff after too many beers in college. Poor Cole looked like someone had just told him Santa isn't real.

Team Gorilla Dominates the Chelsea Locker Room

When the question made its rounds through the Chelsea squad, the results were... not great for Palmer's ego. Levi Colwill, Noni Madueke, Josh Acheampong, Marc Cucurella, and Lucas Bergstrom all immediately declared the gorilla would demolish 100 human men.

Listen. These are professional athletes in peak physical condition, and even THEY know better than to think humans stand a chance. A silverback gorilla can lift around 1,800 pounds. My editor just texted me that's "roughly the weight of a small car." Yeah, good luck with that, Cole.

The Lonely Human Defenders

Palmer did find a couple allies. Trevoh Chalobah and Pedro Neto both sided with humanity in this hypothetical interspecies battle royale.

I spent $14 on coffee today just to stay awake enough to write this article. Worth every penny.

The funniest part is how deadly serious Palmer seems about the whole thing. Like he's personally offended at the suggestion that he and 99 of his closest friends couldn't take down a 400-pound muscle monster with teeth that can crush bamboo. The confidence is... something.

What Are You Even Planning, Cole?

Fans on social media were loving Palmer's conviction, with comments like "Palmer ready to take out the gorilla" and "Cole's self belief." Another simply stated: "It's always Cole."

I'm just imagining the strategy meeting. "OK lads, I'll distract him with some fancy footwork while 50 of you go for the legs and the rest form a human pyramid to... wait, where are you all going?"

This is what happens when you give young men millions of pounds, endless free time between matches, and access to social media. Suddenly they're planning guerrilla (or should I say gorilla?) warfare against actual wildlife.

The Verdict No One Asked For

For what it's worth (absolutely nothing), I'm with Team Gorilla. Have you seen those things? They don't even work out and they're built like Olympic weightlifters who've been juicing since birth.

Anyway, Chelsea plays Djurgarden on Thursday in the Europa Conference League. But who cares about that when there's a hypothetical gorilla fight to settle?

I feel like I've lost brain cells writing this. But not as many as Palmer's apparently lost believing in humanity's chances against nature's tank.

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How To

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Did you miss our previous article...
https://sportingexcitement.com/premier-league/psg-pulled-our-pants-down-how-dembele-vitinha-ran-the-show-while-arsenals-big-guns-went-missing