Cole Palmer Stuffs Trophy Down His Shorts and His Reason is Peak Palmer

By Lewis Barnett 29 May, 2025 5 mins read 114 Views

God, I love this kid.

So there's Cole Palmer last night, fresh off absolutely destroying Real Betis in a 4-1 comeback that won Chelsea the Conference League, and he's got his Player of the Match trophy shoved down his shorts like he's smuggling contraband. CBS reporter Anita Jones spots this immediately (because how could you not?) and asks him about his, uh, creative storage solution.

Palmer's response? "I got no pockets."

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The Most Cole Palmer Thing Ever

Listen, I've been watching this guy all season, and honestly? This is exactly the kind of deadpan brilliance we've come to expect from the 23-year-old. No drama, no overthinking – just pure logic delivered with the enthusiasm of someone ordering toast. The man literally turned around a European final in the second half, assisted two goals to make Chelsea the first club ever to win all three major European competitions, and his biggest concern is pocket real estate.

The internet, predictably, lost its mind. One fan called it "effortlessly funny" while another begged "I hope this man never changes." Someone even claimed it was the "greatest football quote ever" which... okay, maybe that's a stretch, but I get the sentiment.

When Genius Meets Zero Filter

Here's the thing about Palmer that drives me absolutely mental (in the best way). He's been getting stick this season for not matching last year's ridiculous standards – because apparently being merely excellent instead of otherworldly is somehow disappointing now. But when Chelsea needed him most? The guy stepped up like he was born for it.

Former Blue Joe Cole called him "an absolute genius" on TNT Sports, saying Palmer "took the game by the scruff of the neck" and that there aren't many players in world football who can do what he does. High praise from someone who knows a thing or two about performing on the big stage.

But Palmer wasn't done being Palmer.

Tosin Wants What Now?

In his post-match press conference, while everyone's probably expecting some profound reflection on European glory, Palmer decides to go completely off-script. He asks the room – and I'm not making this up – "Can I ask a question, who gives Player of the Tournament out for the competition? Can someone tell him Tosin wants it?"

Poor Tosin Adarabioyo probably had no idea he was about to become the punchline of Palmer's latest bit. The press room erupted in laughter because honestly, what else can you do when faced with that level of randomness?

The Pocket Situation is Real Though

But back to the shorts situation for a second. Have you ever actually looked at modern football kits? Those things are basically athletic onesies with zero practical storage. Palmer's probably standing there, holding this trophy, looking around like "where teh hell am I supposed to put this thing?" and just... improvised.

It's such a perfectly human moment in what's supposed to be this grand, ceremonial occasion. While everyone else is probably posing for photos and giving rehearsed soundbites, Palmer's solving basic logistical problems with the kind of creative thinking that probably made his coaches nervous throughout his youth career.

The man just won a European trophy and made history, and he's treating the whole thing like he accidentally won a stuffed animal at a carnival adn needs to figure out how to carry it home.

That's Cole Palmer for you. Long may it continue.

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